Dolla’ Bin Ballin’: Celine Dion, All the Way…A Decade of Song

Nate Cope, Entertainment.

Sometimes an artist’s work is not just about the music but about the experience.  When hit with the stark realization that dollar bin roulette had given me an album by power vocalist Celine Dion to review, well…WTF.  However, I am a professional and there was nothing left to do but roll up my sleeves and wrestle this Canadian grizzly.

Music can make an experience out of anything and when the first note from this Canadian diva hit my ears the nostalgia of middle school dances immediately flooded my mind.  A strange mood came over me and a sudden urge to slow dance permeated from every pore. Soon, the tracks blended into one single song, the sun set seemed more beautiful, and I began to experience a strange sense of euphoria. 

Yes, Celine sang the love theme from the hit motion picture Titanic-I love this track.  I knew it was on the CD and I just couldn’t wait anymore.  Blitzing to track 8, I hit repeat and my thoughts wandered to Leo DiCaprio’s and Kate Winslet’s doomed love tryst and the uttering of those famous words “I’ll never let go.”  With tears in my eyes, I relived every meaningful moment in an ‘03 Civic, all to the voice of a Canadian angel. 

Man, she can really hit those high notes.  With that kind of power in her voice it would be no surprise if she walked off stage with a little pee or a rosebud in her undies.  She just seems like the kind of performer who would endure that to give her fans their money’s worth.  Well Celine, you have one more fan, and a decade of your songs have made me a more spiritual person.  I’ll never doubt your abilities and want to thank you and the Walmart team for the privilege of being exposed to the love in your music.

Final Verdict on Celine Dion, All the Way…A Decade of Song: Infinite!!!!!!!!!!     

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Dolla’ Bin Ballin’-ZZ Top: Fandango

Nate Cope, Entertainment

As my unguided hand felt through the dollar bin, a sudden sensation tickled my fingertips.  The continuous sharp geometry of CD cases was suddenly broken by loose cellophane and broken plastic.  Straight away, my better instincts kicked in and I knew I must rescue this poor little disk lest it be lost to eternity.  Opening my eyes, the cowboy hat wearin’, guitar jammin’, cover art of ZZ Top exploded in my face like a beer shook up by Jiles.

With Texas emblazoned in rhinestones on their clothing, clearly ZZ Top hails from said great state.  Also, every one of their songs talks about Texas, drinking beer, or going to Mexico-so it’s Texas.  Thanks to Duck Dynasty, ZZ Top has experienced a resurgence of sorts-at least that’s what Tony from Walmart electronics conveyed.  He thought I was visually impaired and lost. To be fair, I was standing there with my eyes closed feeling around in a dollar bin.

At the time this album was recorded, ZZ Top must have been living on booze and Ramen noodles because they clearly had no recording budget.  Six of the 12 tracks were live and sounded like they were recorded by a 16 year old stoner with a tape deck, banging his head in the audience, and possibly ​on ​the tape deck.  Two covers of “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis also graced this fine example of – well, I don’t know what this is.  So either they have an unhealthy man love for the king or were doing their damndest to fill up the album with whatever they had.

What was most strange was not their Elvis infatuation but their odd way of describing things. While I am not familiar with the language of Texas, one song called Tush, near as I can guess he’s referring to the female buttocks or male given the Elvis thing, struck me as strange.  The chorus specifically states he wants the Lord to take him downtown because he’s looking for some tush.  Praying to God to have someone take you downtown to grab booties sounds like the prayer of a sex offender, but at the same time why say “tush?” What, you couldn’t say ass in your song? You guys are supposed to be rock stars not first grade teachers. “We’re not like those other potty mouthed rockers, we have standards!”  Well, my only hope is the word “tush” is a bad word in Texas because if not, you blew it, ZZ Top.  

 ​Final Verdict on ZZ Top Fandango: Just Silly!!!

Dolla’ Bin Ballin’: The Best of Conway Twitty

Nate Cope, Entertainment.

A brutal end to a marathon paper, rock, scissors tournament left me with an entertainment section to write. Having no budget to do anything, and with little to no idea what to write about, Twittya trip to Walmart left me with an age transcending idea. Vintage is always cool. Well sometimes, and Walmart has an entire bin dedicated to vintage at five bucks a pop, thus Dolla’ Bin Ballin’ was born. Three spin arounds and a close of the eyes provide endless random entertainment reviews for artists that haven’t seen the light of day in decades. So, for the first Dolla’ Bin Ballin’, chance provided a real humdinger. Ladies and Gentlemen…we give you…the best of Conway Twitty.

Upon opening my eyes and seeing Conway’s silver side burns, an uneasiness took over not felt since a weekend in Tijuana with Jiles. Immediately, images of seedy honky tonks occupied by cowboys guzzling Pabst Blue Ribbon underneath Confederate flags came to mind. Stereotypes aside, the real glaring problem was where the hell to find a CD player. Always wondering what that little slit in the dash of my ‘03 civic was, suddenly two plus two equals four and I was cruising down the road with steel guitars a-twangin’.

Conway’s songs all seemed to revolve around one central theme, “the Ladies.” Songs about loving ladies, seducing married ladies, begging for forgiveness from ladies, and ladies in tight jeans all dominate this silver side burned mega hunk’s greatest hits. Couple this with a voice as deep as the Dollar Bin itself, and Conway is more like a Country and Western super seducer.

I was particularly perplexed by one song, where Conway appears to give his special someone a birthday present by removing all the worry that he’d never cheat on her, “promises, promises.” Real nice gift from a man who either beds or cheats on a woman in every damn song. Seriously Twitty, just go to Kay Jewelers so at least she’ll have a keepsake to remember what a prick you were.

The 1970’s must’ve been a radically different time; like backwards world, as anyone who successfully gets lucky with this creep singing in the background is either dating someone hearing impaired or, well, dating someone hearing impaired. Lord only knows the endless number of butt slaps his background singers probably endured.

If art imitates life, and Conway was anything like his songs, he either had a sex addiction or was way over-compensating because he was in the closet. So with that, I’ll leave you with a final piece of wisdom straight from the mouth of Conway Twitty.

“Cowboy, remember there’s a tiger in them tight fittin’ jeans”

Final verdict on the Best of Conway Twitty- Confusing and Creepy!