Space Force: A Program for the Ages

J. Cornwallace, The F.O.O.L.

While we at the Breakfast are generally not fans of glaring governmental redundancy, the recent decision by President Trump to overlook the fact that the United States Air Force already handles all issues relating to space defense, and form a completely separate Space Force incorporated into the Air Force (a force within the force), really got our applause. Please disregard that the Air Force already had an Air Force Space Command, it was outdated and there was no force behind it. Command is a much weaker word.

What gained our applause was not the additional layers added to our lightning quick bureaucracy, no, it was the millions of cheers that arose from middle aged men in their parents’ basements across this majestic land. What has been overlooked in all the Space Force hoop-la is the chance for science fiction to finally be taken seriously. What limitations, what barriers will now be shattered since we’ve added Force to the end of the name of the people who already protect space?

Light sabers, blasters, phasers, lasers, transporters, cyborgs, droids- the sky’s the limit, nerd nation. But hold back your wet dreams- what if Space Force leads to the long coveted first contact? Aliens! Oh yeah, or even better yet, alien ladies. Quick! Someone better jump on creating a dating app because Tinder might not work. What if they have flippers instead of hands? Well, I guess they could still swipe. At any rate, get ready because now that we have a Force using all the same technology and same people doing their same jobs under a different name, anything is possible.

Imagine the orange mane of President Trump glowing as he looks on and says: “warp speed Mr. Pence”-I just got some mist in my eyes. Friends, Space Force is here and we must be prepared to accept all of the great possibilities that exist as we continue to boldly go where no man has gone before, under a different name. SPACE FORCE FOR THE AGES!!!!!!!!

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