J. Cornwallace, The F.O.O.L
With much fanfare, freshman representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), henceforth referred to as “The OC,” released her much anticipated Green New Deal. Given that there doesn’t seem to be much of anything coming out of Washington these days, it was nice to see a freshman representative float a plan that calls for a limit on cow farts and no more airplanes: fuck you Hawaii. However, what was truly concerning was not the plan’s outright elimination of the necessities of modern society, oh no. Honestly, for the Democratic Party, the party of diversity, to throw their weight behind something so blatantly discriminatory left all of us here at the Breakfast in a state of complete shock. J. Murray Spencer had to go home, but he’s always been overly sensitive.
The OC ought to be ashamed of herself, couple this with the Democratic train wreck in Virginia and it leads one to question whether the whole damn ship isn’t rudderless. Where were Schumer and Pelosi on this one, out back smokin’ a jay? The OC must’ve never had an art class because it’s the only excuse she has for forgetting about an entire palate of other colors. In case you didn’t know, brown and blue together make green, it takes a village.
I’m sure there’ll be some political bologna about green being the color of the eco movement, and that was the deal’s purpose; hogwash. If that’s the case, the OC needs to watch Captain Planet, because I recall a broad spectrum of colors representing earth, wind, fire, water and heart!
Why only a green deal? Why not a Roy G. Biv deal? Then we could have used a rainbow and rolled up LGBTQ and the eco movement into one nice little package. Someone please explain to the OC about two-birds-one-stone. No, instead what we got was an overtly discriminatory plan that championed the superiority of green. Okay, the OC can have it her way, no more blue, yellow, brown, orange, yellow, indigo, or violet. Let’s just get it over with; call up Home Depot, order one trillion gallons of green paint and make the whole damn world green. What a nice thing to pass on to our children: a world without color. I have to stop, my acid reflux is becoming aggravated.