J. Cornwallace, Editor and Political Hack.
Unending fights over border security have a way of making everybody sick and tired; no one wants to hear about walls anymore. The same solutions, the same offers of compromise, there is just no wonder the whole argument seems to be going nowhere. While semantics have been used in an attempt to break the ensuing gridlock- “enhanced fencing, metal barrier, Normandy fencing”- maybe the true reason this whole quandary continues is because the simple fact is most walls are ugly. When, as a child, I was made to look at the wall or stand in the corner, there was no element of nice involved. My friends, walls are just dull to look at.
Innovation being one of our specialties, a recent trip to Baskin Robbins at the expense of the last of our petty cash facilitated a lively debate about the merits of walls in general, resulting in a solution for the ages. Why a wall at all? How about a shrubbery? More correctly, a shrub barrier! Anyone who has ever had the privilege of visiting a shrub maze will readily tout the merits of such barriers. Personally, a shrub maze has caused the premature ending of two blind dates and my permanent exile from the Big Brother/Big Sister program; for all I know, every one of them is still in the maze.
A single Google search turned up several species of shrubs that do extremely well in arid climates. Beauty Bush, Boxwood, Cliff Rose, Dwarf Alberta Spruce, and Butterfly Bush; side note, can you not imagine 700 miles of Butterfly Bush? I’m about to pass out. In all practicality, Dwarf Alberta Spruce would be the most likely choice as it has prickers and national defense is paramount. However, the drabness of the spruce could easily be offset by intermittent patches of Cliff Rose, Beauty Bush, and my personal love, the Butter Fly Bush. How Lovely!
While political factions rarely ever meet on any major issue, 700 miles of arboriculture seems like a win for all. Think of people from both sides of the aisle, and shrubbery, coming together to marvel at the beauty. Of note, Gooseberries do particularly well in dry areas and could be an added bonus should people be able to also eat from the shrub. My friends, our future is too perilous to be squandered on ugly solutions to complex problems. Let’s make this a beautiful one!
It was just brought to my attention that someone may dig under the shrubbery. Well, if you are willing to imperil the root structure of such a feat as 700 miles of unending shrub is, then you need a serious whopping.