Where’d You Get Them Tight Pants?

J. Murray Spencer, Sports.

Super BowlWhen asked about handling the sports writing for The Breakfast my immediate thought was that I hate sports. However, political commentary is as numerous as grass on the prairie these days, and having no other job prospects, I thought, “what the hell.”

Less the origins of the game and more its recent role in the ongoing social justice debate, I got your back Kap, I possessed little to no knowledge, nor cared to, involving football. But with the seminal event of the National Football League season upon us I could think of no better time to embrace my new role and get to work.

Initially, I had intended for some friends and I to hit the local brew spot and watch the Super Bowl. That quickly faded when I realized I was a soon to be unemployed writer with college debt, so I opted for my apartment, a bottle of merlot, and some Afghani Kush; I have a prescription.

Overall, I found the commentary indecipherable but really enjoyed the big sparklers and fighter jet fly-over. From what was conveyed, this was one of the more lackluster games in Super Bowl history, if you follow such things. A stratosphere-like high, brief glimpses of Gisselle and a rapper entering the stadium in the form of a comet really kept my head in the game. However, after reviewing what I could read of my notes one nagging thought persisted: why does the NFL not care more for it’s players?

With all of the national anthem protest hype facing the NFL and poor manner in which they handled ensuing backlash, you would think they would have learned a lesson or two. Even more shocking was the way they blindly stumbled around the elephant in the room. One can only wonder how many players will wake up in excruciating pain years down the road from the NFL’s poor choice of ultra-tight pants. It must be terrible at the end of each practice or game to peel those spandex leg socks off and feel the blood rush back into your lower half. Why on earth in a game that requires lightning quick reflexes and agility to prevent getting decapitated would the NFL approve such a motion limiting uniform choice. 

Oh wait, just like the gladiators of ancient Rome, players are being sacrificed, blood sells tickets and the NFL wants nothing more than players to be ruthlessly crushed in front of screaming fans. Entertainment equals dollars, and tight pants give them that unwitting factor to keep the game violent. So to the players in the NFL, I say this, “Tear off your pants!”

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